So much for a holiday.
Soar throat, can't be out in the heat because of hot flashes. Doctors still haven't called or prescribed medicine. Just been suffering for a few weeks now. I really hate paying for crap Kaiser service. So much for being a 26+ year customer, that gets you no where.
Sitting alone in my room on 4th of July with my dogs. How fun is this.
Although I can remember a year ago wasn't any better. Actually it was just the start of my end where I am at now. Lucky me.
I can really say how do some people make it in the world at their "job" because most of them are so stupid they can't do their job anyway. Is it that hard or are they just that stupid???? Why is it too that supervisors know nothing yet they are in that position?
Frustrated with all the processes.
Workers Comp Still -
-appealing to the appeal board and have to go to court for that
-been a year since filing and nothing but then again they don't want to be liable
Harassment/Discrimination -
-about to go to court at the end of the month to see if I am amused at Devry's offer
School Devry -
-still don't have official evaluation
-still waiting for ADA accommodations
-still waiting for an admitting response from dean marcela
-had to take a class I already took
-
Work Devry -
-haven't heard from them in a month or actually more. sent in off sick still but the real last thing was the threatening to be fired letter in the mail if i didn't come back in may 2010. (screw it, I don't want to work for a company that treats people like dirt and doesn't take responsibility for it.)
Kaiser -
-negligent treatment from many doctors and all my member complaints because no one can figure out the right medicines nor take responsibility it my overall health. politics are so ugly but very obvious.
My question is when will all this get settled and come to an end? No wonder I still have accumulated stress. The list keeps piling up. I could just quit it all but should I have to quit and let them get away with it, or suffer and prove to them that them (Devry) needs to take responsibility for their employees treating others like dirt and persuading them to quit like it's not their fault. For now pushing on with what strength I have and they will pay for all I have suffered. People will know what kind of company they are. That I will make sure of.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Next 5 years???
Well over the past few years I did think my life was in a different direction. I was in school, had a boyfriend, starting a career and all the sudden just as the wind blows it changes in a heart beat. You push school back because of the career. You lose the career because of health issues and finally because you fall out of love and into deep debt of finances you end up in lawsuits with your ex owing you lots of money he doesn't have.
My world as I knew it completely fell to the ground last year about the middle of the year. Nothing was as it seemed and this was all a year after the above happened. I thought that was a down point but nothing in comparision to what was coming a head. I had such medical issues of stress that I couldn't even drive, leave my room, and my doctors had me on up to 9 medications at one point their ignorance didn't even come into play that they were counteracting with one another. It seemed as though it was fight after fight which made my stress even more aggravated and sicker.
All I have to say is thank god for family. Without my parents I wouldn't have been able to make it through any of it. They not old stood by my side and picked me back up but stood up for me and took the reigns.
Slowly as I get my life together one step at a time. I returned to school, volunteer a little and spend most of my times with my comforting animals and some close family. Compared to where I was it's progress.
I see myself in 5 years hopefully in an entirely new career, new path of life and possibly a love interest. I had so many in the past (not like that) but I never concentrated on myself. I gave till I had nothing to give. Now my life is about me, what I want in my life, and what I want to accomplish with my life, because after all it's my life and I get to chose where I drive the car or motorcycle. LOL. I use to ride motorcycles. Actually I was even president of a woman's motorcycle club for a year but those were back in my adrenaline junkie days. I slowly have a ride here and there when I get the mind set up to it but nothing like before ripping through the hills or racing down the 1/4 at 120mph when I was 23. Not that 26 now is much old but I kind of found myself over the past year when hitting rock bottom.
I will say though I wish that on no one and admire those most who know what they want in life/love/career and wish them luck to go get it.
My world as I knew it completely fell to the ground last year about the middle of the year. Nothing was as it seemed and this was all a year after the above happened. I thought that was a down point but nothing in comparision to what was coming a head. I had such medical issues of stress that I couldn't even drive, leave my room, and my doctors had me on up to 9 medications at one point their ignorance didn't even come into play that they were counteracting with one another. It seemed as though it was fight after fight which made my stress even more aggravated and sicker.
All I have to say is thank god for family. Without my parents I wouldn't have been able to make it through any of it. They not old stood by my side and picked me back up but stood up for me and took the reigns.
Slowly as I get my life together one step at a time. I returned to school, volunteer a little and spend most of my times with my comforting animals and some close family. Compared to where I was it's progress.
I see myself in 5 years hopefully in an entirely new career, new path of life and possibly a love interest. I had so many in the past (not like that) but I never concentrated on myself. I gave till I had nothing to give. Now my life is about me, what I want in my life, and what I want to accomplish with my life, because after all it's my life and I get to chose where I drive the car or motorcycle. LOL. I use to ride motorcycles. Actually I was even president of a woman's motorcycle club for a year but those were back in my adrenaline junkie days. I slowly have a ride here and there when I get the mind set up to it but nothing like before ripping through the hills or racing down the 1/4 at 120mph when I was 23. Not that 26 now is much old but I kind of found myself over the past year when hitting rock bottom.
I will say though I wish that on no one and admire those most who know what they want in life/love/career and wish them luck to go get it.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
No end in sight
So still under extreme pressure.
From taking 2 classes at school, fighting over the forms for school for disability that they should have given me over a year ago, and now arguing with school that an idiot didn't have my ARC transcript either. Ugh how stupid do you have to be to work at this school? Appraently really stupid cause evenyone I come across has dropped the ball somewhere. UGH.
Dealing with the workers comp thing still. Now just dealing with their crap head of a lawyer who thinks the sin shines out of her ass when they try to do sneeky things behind my back thinking I know nothing about the workers compensation system. I've done my research boys and girls, and I use to work there for the state for 3 years. Watch out I picked up a few tricks.
Oh and my favorite stress causer of all my work harassment and discrimination filings. Lovely yes it is. Had to make an offer last week so they can officially notify my work representative that I am serious about them either accepting it or this will go to court. Think that is causing me stress. HAHA my stomach is in knots over it.
Oh yeah I forgot too in letters my work sent me that I was going to be fired tomorrow if I didn't return to work. Well my doctor has me off for 2 more months making it almost exactly a year then since the date of breakdown. So we will see what happens since I haven't heard from them. Although some how thinking that when they offered me $1200 to quit and walk away they thought I actually need that and would sign the paper. By now they have to realize I wasn't going anywhere despite being sick I will push through their bullshit as they completely did me wrong and caused my sickness for the past 10 months and in 08. Funny how until I worked there I never had any of these symptoms or illness and now having to deal with some many things from this I can't even use my fingers to count each one there are more than 10 now.
One day I am praying this all goes away and I can have a fresh start. But for now I am where I am.
I wish people (friends) would understand. It's hard for them too. They always get mad and blame me for bailing yet claim they understand my illness. Apparently not otherwise they wouldn't blame me when I cancel a few hours ahead because I'm sick.
Oh well, it is what it is.
From taking 2 classes at school, fighting over the forms for school for disability that they should have given me over a year ago, and now arguing with school that an idiot didn't have my ARC transcript either. Ugh how stupid do you have to be to work at this school? Appraently really stupid cause evenyone I come across has dropped the ball somewhere. UGH.
Dealing with the workers comp thing still. Now just dealing with their crap head of a lawyer who thinks the sin shines out of her ass when they try to do sneeky things behind my back thinking I know nothing about the workers compensation system. I've done my research boys and girls, and I use to work there for the state for 3 years. Watch out I picked up a few tricks.
Oh and my favorite stress causer of all my work harassment and discrimination filings. Lovely yes it is. Had to make an offer last week so they can officially notify my work representative that I am serious about them either accepting it or this will go to court. Think that is causing me stress. HAHA my stomach is in knots over it.
Oh yeah I forgot too in letters my work sent me that I was going to be fired tomorrow if I didn't return to work. Well my doctor has me off for 2 more months making it almost exactly a year then since the date of breakdown. So we will see what happens since I haven't heard from them. Although some how thinking that when they offered me $1200 to quit and walk away they thought I actually need that and would sign the paper. By now they have to realize I wasn't going anywhere despite being sick I will push through their bullshit as they completely did me wrong and caused my sickness for the past 10 months and in 08. Funny how until I worked there I never had any of these symptoms or illness and now having to deal with some many things from this I can't even use my fingers to count each one there are more than 10 now.
One day I am praying this all goes away and I can have a fresh start. But for now I am where I am.
I wish people (friends) would understand. It's hard for them too. They always get mad and blame me for bailing yet claim they understand my illness. Apparently not otherwise they wouldn't blame me when I cancel a few hours ahead because I'm sick.
Oh well, it is what it is.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Things Are Coming Together
Things are coming together. Slowly but surely. It's been almost a year since my major breakdown of illness from work and I feel I am beginning to feel things are finally falling into place. What I am due is finally coming true and people who caused things are finally paying up or getting their payback. Karma comes around and it's time.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
No Wonder
Well I recently yesterday just took some sort of school required for week 2 in my class. How ridiculous. It really said that I don't like my teachers and I believe that teachers are prejudice against students. Haha how funny that is so true.
Irritated:
Irritated:
How do you get 6/50 and 16/40 for discussion????? Really I worked hours on those posts but because I didn't post "enough" i really lost that many points. I hate this.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Piling Up?
Hmmm is everything piling up yet? Have I reached MY limit. To ask myself this question I am not sure. I thought that point was last July when I got sick from work stress or maybe the September before in 2008 from work stress?
It's hard to tell. I mean between work stress that made me sick and now overcoming no one has any clue what I have had to endure.
From having to deal with the workers compensation company. That in itself was and still is ridiculous. Their job it to deny and make you look like a liar. They don't want to have to pay. Of course not, then they won't make profit and they don't want their clients to be liable for anything that could lead to lawsuits.
Next up was work short term disability. Because the workers comp was denied and in appeal status I had to go through this whole bunch of hoops. Ridiculous because they claim that my first episode of stress illness was preexisting to this one so they are considering it a preexisting condition. How stupid can people get. It is not preexisting when it never stopped. I was sick the whole time just not as bad.
Then work itself. Getting rid of my job last October and not telling me till I said my doctor wants to know this January. Then telling me to apply for jobs, which I did. But I was then told I couldn't be I was sick from work. Now in April I am being told to apply for job, which I did again, because in May my job will for sure be gone. Please tell me when Human Resource people actually start to make sense when they tell you things.
The best yet would have to be when HR and my boss told me I couldn't talk to the school/DeVry because I was complaining about yet again the service I was receiving but 6 months down the road the actual answer HR gave me was "they were trying to contact you, subject closed". Really that is the most ignorant statement I have ever heard in my life. That is just the cherry on the sundae so they don't get in trouble because that statement of telling me at my place of work that I couldn't speak to my school after telling me I was in trouble for texting on my personal lunch was over the top for me. I couldn't take the stress abuse my supervisor was giving me. Even though I could have probably taken it longer because of my strength my body physically wasn't letting me and took me to the hospital and 50+ pounds of weight loss later over 6+ months.
My whole life has been turned upside down. At least they finally realized one point that I could continue with school which has been the only temporary plus. Mostly a huge loss, from my job, to loss of income, loss of security and damages sustained. Still in the on going battle of workers comp and appealing that in court because of a stupid doctor.
Oh and I just love kaiser and their 9 months of treatment I have experienced. From 8 to 10 medications at one point to taking every single class their psychiatry department recommends I would say I should get a certificate for knowledge and being probably the only patient to take 9 classes over 4 months. At least it was something to keep me busy. These days go by so slow with nothing to do. Seriously unless I have a doctor appointment which went from 6-10 appointments a month I now have 2? Why? That's a great question. I wish I knew because although I feel a little better compared to where I was I am still not better but they are treating me as though a little progress means completely healed or should I say since my father stopped complaining to their department heads they have started to fall off the band wagon again. Probably time for him to make a few calls.
All in all at this point it still sucks.
It's hard to tell. I mean between work stress that made me sick and now overcoming no one has any clue what I have had to endure.
From having to deal with the workers compensation company. That in itself was and still is ridiculous. Their job it to deny and make you look like a liar. They don't want to have to pay. Of course not, then they won't make profit and they don't want their clients to be liable for anything that could lead to lawsuits.
Next up was work short term disability. Because the workers comp was denied and in appeal status I had to go through this whole bunch of hoops. Ridiculous because they claim that my first episode of stress illness was preexisting to this one so they are considering it a preexisting condition. How stupid can people get. It is not preexisting when it never stopped. I was sick the whole time just not as bad.
Then work itself. Getting rid of my job last October and not telling me till I said my doctor wants to know this January. Then telling me to apply for jobs, which I did. But I was then told I couldn't be I was sick from work. Now in April I am being told to apply for job, which I did again, because in May my job will for sure be gone. Please tell me when Human Resource people actually start to make sense when they tell you things.
The best yet would have to be when HR and my boss told me I couldn't talk to the school/DeVry because I was complaining about yet again the service I was receiving but 6 months down the road the actual answer HR gave me was "they were trying to contact you, subject closed". Really that is the most ignorant statement I have ever heard in my life. That is just the cherry on the sundae so they don't get in trouble because that statement of telling me at my place of work that I couldn't speak to my school after telling me I was in trouble for texting on my personal lunch was over the top for me. I couldn't take the stress abuse my supervisor was giving me. Even though I could have probably taken it longer because of my strength my body physically wasn't letting me and took me to the hospital and 50+ pounds of weight loss later over 6+ months.
My whole life has been turned upside down. At least they finally realized one point that I could continue with school which has been the only temporary plus. Mostly a huge loss, from my job, to loss of income, loss of security and damages sustained. Still in the on going battle of workers comp and appealing that in court because of a stupid doctor.
Oh and I just love kaiser and their 9 months of treatment I have experienced. From 8 to 10 medications at one point to taking every single class their psychiatry department recommends I would say I should get a certificate for knowledge and being probably the only patient to take 9 classes over 4 months. At least it was something to keep me busy. These days go by so slow with nothing to do. Seriously unless I have a doctor appointment which went from 6-10 appointments a month I now have 2? Why? That's a great question. I wish I knew because although I feel a little better compared to where I was I am still not better but they are treating me as though a little progress means completely healed or should I say since my father stopped complaining to their department heads they have started to fall off the band wagon again. Probably time for him to make a few calls.
All in all at this point it still sucks.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Day Of Days
Talk about a day where emotions go from completely sad for my dear and best friend Jenn on one of the worst days for her family. Losing not only a loved one but a parent. I can't even imagine. I came close 3 years ago when my dad had his heart attack but I stood stong for my mother. The whole thing never phased me until I saw my friend standing before everyone talking about her father and realizing that could of been me and I wish there was something I could do to take away her pain. I honestly cant imagine having to do that to a parent so close to. I know her and I had that special bond only a single daughter/father have. The understanding, trust, occasional arguments, but trust and passion. They want you to do your best. It may seem like they are bugging you to the point of aggravation but it's only because they know you can succeed and you do. They do it all out of love. A love that can never be broken even after passing. I have such a greater appreciate for love, life and passion. I am just glad I could stand there and be there for my friend (the one I met my first day of college), the one who no matter how much time has passed catch up in a matter of minutes. I would say she is a true friend as I hope she thinks of me the same. I am so very happy that she has a wonderful man Adam by her side to help her through these trying times. They are perfect for each other, as I sit here and smile, I can't wait till their day together comes. She knows it is.
Life is really to short, DO IT ALL WITH NO REGRET.
Even if their is regret oh well you have one life to live and you can say at the end I did all these things. No one is perfect so don't try to be. Be yourself, others only love you for who you are not what you fake to be.
Life is really to short, DO IT ALL WITH NO REGRET.
Even if their is regret oh well you have one life to live and you can say at the end I did all these things. No one is perfect so don't try to be. Be yourself, others only love you for who you are not what you fake to be.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Working Through It
It's amazing as I sit here and think about my life over the past 9 months and from where I was, to where I am now it's completely different. I had high expectations, friends, hobbies, goals and all of that completely brought me to my knees when the stress from work hit.
I was literally at a point where I couldn't drive, couldn't go anywhere, wouldn't answer my phone to talk to anyone, couldn't ride my motorcycle, heck I wouldn't even leave the house or my room. Not to mention at this time I was on 9 different medications that my Kaiser doctors didn't monitor until you made a complaint then they actually cared for the moment or should I say hour session.
It amazes me how much stress I have been put through since being off for stress. You would think people would actually give a crap and care, but no their ignorance shines through and they have no idea what you are really going through. They just hound you and threat after threat or lack of response.
I can honestly say day by day I make a smidge of progress. But when I look back I can't believe, I feel I have wasted 9 months of my life and it wasn't even my fault it was my pathetic supervisor and co worker who treated me like crap and I just took it day after day until I finally cracked and became so ill.
I sometimes look back and am so angry that I could let people take advantage of me and treat me that way. But then again I also look that they are no longer in my life and probably just as pathetic and ignorant as they always were, while I have grown and taken steps for the better through school and classes.
I wish sometimes for just a moment when I tell people what I am going through they could be in my shoes for just a second and see that's it's real. It's not like I broke my arm and they can see a cast, so they don't believe anything is wrong. But just like everything you have the good days and you have the really bad days. Those are the ones where I don't want to leave the house, shower or even get out of bed.
I don't think there has been a single day in 9 months that I actually have felt like my old self. Sure I am becoming able to drive but not like I use to. Sure I can go out to the store, but not for hours. Sure I can go to the bar, but I leave shortly after not even having anything but water since I don't have alcohol or caffeine anymore. Not like I drank more than one drink every few months but to not even have the options now sucks. It's like why go with friends if I can't, what's the point. So then I lose a lot of friends because I can't go.
I can say that my complete circle of friends went from a group to 8 months of none, I literally me not a single friend to talk to, to now slowly meeting people. I use that term because I am sure I can count on a few but nothing like years ago when I had real friends that would talk to every single day. It's hard because people just don't understand.
I just continue with my struggle taking it one day at a time. Who knows what tomorrow will bring and how I will feel, I sure don't.
I was literally at a point where I couldn't drive, couldn't go anywhere, wouldn't answer my phone to talk to anyone, couldn't ride my motorcycle, heck I wouldn't even leave the house or my room. Not to mention at this time I was on 9 different medications that my Kaiser doctors didn't monitor until you made a complaint then they actually cared for the moment or should I say hour session.
It amazes me how much stress I have been put through since being off for stress. You would think people would actually give a crap and care, but no their ignorance shines through and they have no idea what you are really going through. They just hound you and threat after threat or lack of response.
I can honestly say day by day I make a smidge of progress. But when I look back I can't believe, I feel I have wasted 9 months of my life and it wasn't even my fault it was my pathetic supervisor and co worker who treated me like crap and I just took it day after day until I finally cracked and became so ill.
I sometimes look back and am so angry that I could let people take advantage of me and treat me that way. But then again I also look that they are no longer in my life and probably just as pathetic and ignorant as they always were, while I have grown and taken steps for the better through school and classes.
I wish sometimes for just a moment when I tell people what I am going through they could be in my shoes for just a second and see that's it's real. It's not like I broke my arm and they can see a cast, so they don't believe anything is wrong. But just like everything you have the good days and you have the really bad days. Those are the ones where I don't want to leave the house, shower or even get out of bed.
I don't think there has been a single day in 9 months that I actually have felt like my old self. Sure I am becoming able to drive but not like I use to. Sure I can go out to the store, but not for hours. Sure I can go to the bar, but I leave shortly after not even having anything but water since I don't have alcohol or caffeine anymore. Not like I drank more than one drink every few months but to not even have the options now sucks. It's like why go with friends if I can't, what's the point. So then I lose a lot of friends because I can't go.
I can say that my complete circle of friends went from a group to 8 months of none, I literally me not a single friend to talk to, to now slowly meeting people. I use that term because I am sure I can count on a few but nothing like years ago when I had real friends that would talk to every single day. It's hard because people just don't understand.
I just continue with my struggle taking it one day at a time. Who knows what tomorrow will bring and how I will feel, I sure don't.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
New Years Resolutions for 2010
As I make my yearly commitment for things that probably won't happen, I can't help but look back on this past year of 2009 and how I made no resolutions yet at the end of the year so many things were accomplished that I didn't realize the success I had made. So with the start of this year I thought I would expand on the success I already have had and make it into realistic ideas and goals for myself.
2010 New Year's Resolutions
Pack a bag, go to airport & take a southwest plane somewhere
Have 20,000 in savings
Get facials, massages, and hair done
Go on a retreat
Take a trip by myself
Get a new job
Finish school
Go to the gym and tan
Get into a healthy relationship
Get healthy
Make new friends
Lose 25 more pounds to be at 150
Things To Remember:
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOURSELF
MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY
TELL THINGS ON YOUR MIND OTHERWISE OTHERS WONT KNOW
DON'T HOLD THINGS IN
2010 New Year's Resolutions
Pack a bag, go to airport & take a southwest plane somewhere
Have 20,000 in savings
Get facials, massages, and hair done
Go on a retreat
Take a trip by myself
Get a new job
Finish school
Go to the gym and tan
Get into a healthy relationship
Get healthy
Make new friends
Lose 25 more pounds to be at 150
Things To Remember:
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOURSELF
MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY
TELL THINGS ON YOUR MIND OTHERWISE OTHERS WONT KNOW
DON'T HOLD THINGS IN
Saturday, January 2, 2010
1/2/2010
So for the start of the new year, a new decade, and the chance for a fresh start in my life, I have decided to start a blog about anything and everything.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)